Ellen MacArthur can suck my nips

Ellen MacArthur pisses me off. She whines, she’s arrogant, she wastes time that I could better use watching telly or smurfing the web. But oh no. Open up google news, just about to see if there’s a new report on boobies, and what’s this?

“Crowds to gather to mark return of hero…”

Scroll down to see the rest…

“…Ellen MacArthur.”

AHHH!!! OUT DAMNED WHORE!!! OFF MY TELLY BOX, OFF MY PC!!

The bit that gets me the most is that the majority of people are perfectly willing to lick her bum and call her hero.

I beg to differ. You see, a definition of “hero” is:

HERO:

NOUN

1. A real or mythical person of great bravery who carries out extraordinary deeds.
2. A role model.
3. The main protagonist in a work of fiction.
4. A large sandwich made from meats and cheeses.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t see “Self endangering idiot” or “Arrogant bitch” on that list.

I mean, sure she’s “brave” (taking brave to mean “stupid” but I’ll allow that) but how is sailing round the world great? Curing cancer is great. The guy who does OLPC is great. Joshua D. Silver is great- he invented adjustable lensed glasses, which means billions of poor Africans can have decent sight ( http://www.adaptive-eyecare.com/ ).

Sailing round the world, well done. That helps people. To be honest, it isn’t even that brave. Her boat was equipped with the latest, greatest safety stuff, and likelihood is there just happened to always be a fishing boat, crewed by her friends, nearby. Just by pure chance yah know?

Again, how is she a role model? She endangered her own life, the lives of other people, gave free advertising to companies, was a bitch on telly, and basically wasted money and time. Sheesh, that’s something we want in our lifes. More people like her.

I’m sure if you’re a rabid sailor you’ll disagree, but fuck off.

I’ll skip over 3, because life sadly isn’t fictional (though it would rule to be able to fly) and wank off to 4. Is she a sandwich?

A quick image search proves it:

 

Yes, yes she is.

An annoying one, too. 

So, I guess she is a hero. Just not in the way I was expecting.