Spam, wonderful spam

I’ve started getting some pretty interesting emails recently.

These things are truly amazing. I get around 10-20 of them in an day, and each one defies description in mere language, I have to show you:

Look at that fucking list! What have we got. Something from my friend Alvin-

“Pussy_loveer destroys frresh teenie puussy. motorscooters”

See, the first sentence had me going. My eyes were sliding along it like a well lube’d cock into a vagina. I was all ready to open that email and click… when suddenly, the lube ran out. Horrible screaming noises commenced. Motorscooters? WTF? Other acronyms?

I mean, the spelling I can deal with. It’s hard to typed while polishing the bed-post, as it were, and I can understand why someone advertising a “teennie puussy” being destroyed would be excited. Hell, he could even be epileptic! To take the piss out of spacker, that’s just low.

But this is just amazing- this person actually thinks that people are more likely to watch porn containing motorized scooters. I’ve not commented on the word “destroys”, I assumed he meant it as in “FUCKS TO WITHIN AND INCH OF THE THING FALLING OFF” or something, but now I’m wondering. What sort of porn would I get?

Some sort of… Vespa-based vaginal deconstruction fetish site? With dynamite? Fucking hell. Dynamite dildomatic.

A scene from the porno movie.

Can you fucking believe that? In the middle if the street, on a fucking motorscooter with Bob (the Builder) cussin’ like a foul mouthed jew, they’re doing it. He’s sticking fucking dynamite into that ladies personal area. Later on in the movie, about 10 seconds later actually, she explodes. It looks sorta like… a scantily clad woman exploding. There really isn’t that much that looks like that.

Imagine if a six year old walked out with his dad-

“Daddy, whats that lady doing?”

“Well, son, we call that sex.”

BANG

Imagine how fucked up that kid will be, knowing that’s what happens when you have sex?

Look, they even drew a big purple cock on the stop sign. That’s dangerous. Naughty.

Spread the love, my darling imps of pleasure, spread it like margerine.