Go on, fat man, make a funny!

It's pretty hard to do, you know, be spontaneously amusing. I used to do it by being random and offensive, but since I started on Fointy back in the day I've become so offensively extreme that I once killed an old woman who came across my site while searching for crochet porn.

I was done for murder, called the judge a dripping old man's penis and then sent to prison and became the bitch of a man called "Meat Grinder". He called me "Cream of Meat". He was actually quite nice when he wasn't Creaming his Meat, as it were. He once gave me an Easter egg.

But I digress. I was trying to achieve funny in English today, and most of my attempts fell flat. Achieving amusement from a standing start is hard. As Jordan commented, it's easy when replying to people, but just coming up with a sentence, saying it, and getting 50 percent of you listeners to laugh is a real achievement.

Here's an example: In English, I said "Hah, beach hospitals, have a drink and a baby". That got a few laughs, but sounds so fucking shit at the moment that I can't believe I found it funny. It was in response to a poem or something, about a baby or Tom Cruise, or whatever. I also drew a penis, and that was funny because, to be honest guys, penises are possibly the most amusing organ except for maybe the spleen. Or the placenta.

I tihnk this fact evades the writers of most sitcoms, who think and innuendo followed by a tin of giggles makes a funny. It doesn't, it really, really doesn't. It doesn't evade the guys who write Family Guy, Scrubs, or anything else funny. But then again, these are absurd humour and should really grow stale to any high brow, witty person. Luckily for me, I ain't and can happily wallow in the filth that is puerile, excrement based humour- "Everybody leave, I have to poop" style stuff.

I hope this has… well, I don't actually care, you fools. I shall try to return to my old style of updating, at least once a week and actually amusing, but who knows. Perhaps my dream will come true, and Jack Black will come and squeeze out a Cleveland Steamer on my chest and all will be well.

Till then,

A jew.